Give Myself

The last few weeks have had a few "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days" and a smattering of "heart-fulfilling, everything accomplished, rest at the end days." In an effort to increase the proportion of better days, I have been wondering if there is anything I can "let go." My house is already less clean than I prefer, laundry get folded in spurts by the children, meals are not always well-rounded. I strive to be able to say "yes" to the request to play a game, read a story, give a little snuggle. Yet I still find myself saying, "no" or "after school is finished" and then it's time to prepare supper....

I've simplified school as much as I'm able without feeling like I'm compromising the children's education. Everyone's got to be fed, clothed, and put to bed (Philip takes care of his own sleep habits). I cannot be unprepared for teaching the story and craft for Kids' Club. Even I need to sleep some. Carving out a time to pray and read and study the Bible is another necessity, though too often neglected.

The days I feel most whole are when I've had time to play my fiddle a little and read while putting Calla to sleep in the evening. Those activities are the only negotiable activities in my schedule. And writing my blog. The world tells us that we need "me time" and that we need to put ourselves first so we are able to take care of others. But the Bible says we are to give of ourselves; we must decrease so God in us can increase. Does this mean I need to give up my little joys? Purposely work myself to exhaustion, so I can say I am literally sacrificing myself for my family? I don't believe so. But there are ways I can choose to give of myself. If I am trying to review schoolwork and prepare for the next days lessons before the kids are in bed, I may be taking away from time I could be investing in one or more of my children. If I am curt with a little one because I'm trying to rush to get time for playing my fiddle, that is inexcusable.

I usually do not give up anything for Lent because it's hard to think of something that would lead me to the appropriate meditation and meaningfulness. I have been recently thinking I should give up myself. What would happen if I consistently thought of others before myself: what can I do for one of my children or my husband now? The answer might be to do a preschool activity with Simeon, play a game with all the kids, cook my husband's favorite meal. Occasionally the answer may simply be: nothing, so do something fun for yourself.

So here goes an experiment: what will happen when I purpose to do this for my Lord, my family, and even myself? If I give, I will be filled with Him.