A Smile

Today Meriel remarked that while we were in Oregon, she really liked to see me smile. I asked her if I didn't smile here. She readily admitted that I did. She couldn't articulate it, but it seems that there was a different quality about my smiles in Oregon that is usually missing here in Thailand. Today marks our one year anniversary living here at Tawipon Church in Pratunam Pra-in, but I don't feel much like celebrating. Truth is, living here is very difficult for me. I wish I could say like Paul that I am content no matter what my lot. And I have learned to be content to some extent, but I still struggle, daily. I struggle with being surrounded by concrete and the constant buzz of hundreds of mopeds. I miss grass and trees, a fresh breeze, the sound of frogs. That is probably the biggest reason that my smiles are less bright in the "Land of Smiles."

I have a dream of moving out to rural Thailand. Living amongst trees, grass, mud. Yes, there would be challenges we don't face here - maybe less reliable internet, electricity, even running water. Certainly, harder to get milk and maybe even impossible to get cheese. Fewer words of English spoken; maybe more attention when we leave the house. But I feel it would be worth it. I have hesitated to pray for this, because I am not 100% certain that it is God's will for us. I don't want to pray for it and hope for it, only to have it denied. But I realize that I don't feel honest and open with God if I vaguely pray for "His will" for our future. He wants me to talk to Him about my true desires; only then can He begin to transform my desires to His will.

So lately, I have been praying for our future in rural Thailand; that God would provide a way for us to move to the community He is preparing for us when Philip finishes his Ph.D.; that God would be preparing us to live and serve there; that in the meantime He would bless our ministries here and help my heart to be content. I truly desire for my heart to delight in where I am now and for my smiles to reflect that joy.