I am Mommy

My youngest child's second birthday is quickly approaching, and for the first time the rising toddler does not have a younger sibling. I have a new baby every two years; at least, that's how it's been for the last eight. A major part of who I am is a mother with young babies, a mother with young babies and toddlers. Although Simeon is really no longer a baby, it seems that by his turning two, I will officially join the ranks of mothers without babies. It may seem ridiculous, but it is a big step for me. As mothers, often who we are is very intertwined with who and at which stage are our children. I am Eris's mommy, Meriel's mommy, Hollis's mommy, Simeon's mommy; I am Mommy.

Without an infant in my arms, I feel more vulnerable in a gathering. No one thinks anything of a woman standing alone with baby in her arms, gently swaying. People come up and talk to me because they want to see my beautiful baby. Suddenly, I become alone, with a toddler running of on his own. I have to become somebody more than Mommy. I need to remember that I am Rachel, an intelligent woman capable of lively conversation on a variety of topics. Or maybe I can just run after my toddler.

Simeon slept through the night for the first time this week, a wonderful event. However, it makes me realize that I am on the verge of no longer having a child in constant need of my touch and attention. My baby, my last baby, is growing more independent every day. In a few short months, he will move out of our bedroom into his sisters'. My husband eagerly looks forward to a day in the not too distant future when we can shut our bedroom door for the night. Maybe these changes in my baby will allow alone time with my husband to be measured in minutes rather than seconds. I am a wife.

I will miss midnight feedings, newborn snuggles, the delight of everything tiny. I pray for grace to fully move on and embrace this new stage of motherhood. The last potty training, last baby babble, but also many firsts are that much closer. First time on an airplane without a lap baby, first time when everyone can walk most of the way on a hike. Backpacking, canoe trips, "big kid" adventures; Simeon will be old enough to enjoy these before Eris is out of the house. And I am learning that who I am is not wrapped up in my children, where I live, my education. It is who God has made me and who He is making me. I am thankful that part of who He has made me is Mommy to growing children of various ages.


I am Mommy, now and always.