As you know, one of our biggest struggles here in Thailand has been the language barrier. As a mother of four young children, I have neither much time nor money to devote to this ambition. And yet, I feel that part of my time here at this time is to learn the language and the culture of the country to which God has currently led us. To this end, I had the innovative idea of hiring a Thai speaking "mother's helper." I thought that we could have a woman spend a couple days a week with us - playing with Hollis and Simeon while I did school with the older girls, working alongside me in the kitchen to prepare meals, and all the while speaking Thai and patiently guiding us as we attempted to speak it. My parents even graciously offered to provide financial assistance in this endeavor. So I duly set about composing a "job description" and asked a friend to translate it for me.
With prayers and trepidation in my heart, I picked a day to approach a woman who runs a small, local restaurant with my "description." She has been helpful to me on many occasions, so I hoped that she would be willing to post the advertisement or spread our need by word of mouth. I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to change our routine (actually, lack thereof) to include a stranger, but we certainly going to learn Thai or make Thai friends in our current situation. After eating lunch, I handed the piece of paper to Khun Jeab and watched her face for understanding as she read. She did not understand; she thought that I was asking her if she would be available to come to our house and help us learn Thai. She began to respond before she finished the whole carefully thought out description. She thought I wanted someone to come live with us. I pointed to the part that stated the times "10am to 5pm" Her face clouded, and she indicated that she was busy in the restaurant during that time. I tried to explain that I understood and just wanted to know if she had any friends that would be able to provide the service. She still did not understand. Finally, after some consideration, she explained that she was available after 5pm ever day and she could come over the following evening for free. Thinking that this had not gone at all as I had expected, I smiled and accepted, graciously thanking her.
I didn't know what to expect the next evening. Since she was to be here at a normal mealtime, we thought it would be reasonable to offer her food. It was our weekly "pizza night" where Philip picks up store bought pizza from The Pizza Company with their buy one get one free deal. Since it was the end of the week, I did not have a lot of vegetables on hand, but I decided I could make a side of garlic and herbs pasta and slice up some tomatoes. Khun Jeab and her three year old son, Beum, arrive about ten minutes before five. She brought some paper, pencils, and a book with the Thai consonants. I invited her in the house, but she refused. Philip explained to me later that he thought inside a home was considered by some to be very private. Many houses in Thailand are very small, just a bedroom, and all the cooking, cleaning, and eating are done outside. I was unprepared for this, and awkwardly indicated that we could sit at a concrete outdoor table at which the girls had been making mud pies. I tried to clean it up quickly with a broom. It was too small to accommodate all of us and the rocky surface made it impossible to write upon. Used to living outside, Khun Jeab called her father to bring an outdoor sitting mat. I wished I had thought of that first; I sent the girls inside to get ours so we would have plenty of room.
When the time came for me to cook the pasta, I stepped inside for a moment. When I came out, another woman (a relative of Jeab) and two other little boys had arrived. I slipped back inside to add a bit more pasta to the pot. We only had porcelain plates, which are unsuitable for eating picnic style with seven children running around, so we made do with plastic lids and some washed styrofoam take-out containers. Khun Jeab offered to come over every day from 5-6:30 pm. I asked her if she could come Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I wasn't prepared to do this every day of the week.
After everyone had left and the dishes were washed, I tried to explain my feelings to Philip; I felt overwhelmed. No, I wasn't overwhelmed by gratitude to the Lord for this opportunity He has provided. On the contrary, I focused on the difficulties of preparing meals for my family, Jeab, and whoever else she might invite that had to be ready at 5pm. I thought about how usually I have time to relax in the afternoon and then start getting ready for supper at around 4:30 or 5, but now my "free" time would be taken up with making sure supper was ready before they arrived. I also felt that I needed to have something prepared that I wanted to learn, so Jeab's time wasn't wasted. Philip gently chided me, reminding me of all the months when we wanted to have Thai friends and didn't know how to go about befriending anyone. And that very evening, we had had two Thai women and three Thai children in our garden! I knew in my mind that I should feel amazed at God's work and it was ridiculous to complain, but my heart wasn't there yet.
As I prayed that night for God bring my heart in line with His will, He brought to mind the story of Mary and Martha. To be honest, I've always struggled with this story. In Luke 10, the physician recounts a time when Jesus was staying in the house of two sisters. Mary sits at Jesus' feet while Martha makes all the preparations for their guest. I can relate to her frustration, so much to be done - make the bed, cook the meals, wash the dishes. She could really use some help, but Mary shows no sign of stirring. That evening, the Lord revealed to me the truth of the story. Our whole reason for being is to know and glorify God. In Martha's case, God incarnate was in her home, and she was unable to just sit in His presence. She needed to let it all go and spend time with Jesus. The meal did need to be prepared, but it would have been okay to have a simpler meal so that she could listen to Jesus. Clean up could have been complete after Jesus had went up to rest. Martha's heart and desire needed to be with Jesus and the rest would have fallen in to place.
For my part, God changed my heart so now I can delight in this circumstance He has given. I still have the challenge of preparing meals early for an unknown number of people to be eaten outside picnic style. But I am working on keeping my focus on the blessing of friendship instead of the mess on my skirt from a toddler sitting in my lap to eat spaghetti; to enjoy the time of getting to know my neighbors through actions instead of words; to show love rather than try to cram all the Thai practice I can into our hours together. So while on "Khun Jeab" days I may still dread the prospect of a long day and the challenge of communication, I do also look forward to spending time with a friend and seeing how God can use us to show His love.
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