Today, the girls and I read 2 Chronicles 30 about Hezekiah proclaiming a Passover celebration. Whenever we read about the various Israelite remembrances, I take the opportunity to remind the girls of stories from our own family history of how God has taken care of us. It's easy to get discouraged when I look at the day to day drudgery and wonder about God's provision and plan for us. A year ago today, I earned my private pilot's license. It was a nerve-wracking, exciting day. But as soon as I received congratulations from my instructor, I had to go home and finish the myriad of tasks required for moving a family of six overseas. I didn't have an opportunity to take my husband or one of my children on a flight. Since that time, I have not flown once. So why did God bless with flying lessons, and then bring me to a place where I am unable to fly?
I recently had the opportunity to observe a clinic for sex workers here in Bangkok. I really enjoyed being able to use my medical skills to show God's love to those women. It felt rewarding to be apart of a small medical community. I wanted to continue to help in the clinic, but after researching the requirements for medical volunteers in Thailand, I learned that I would need to have a full Thai medical license. This entails taking a written test in Thai, as well as paying a large fee for a license. So why did God allow me to learn about this clinic, only to be unable to help? Why did God bring me to a country where it would be so difficult for me get a medical license?
I do not have specific answers to the above questions, but I do know that God does not reveal His long term plans to us and His ways are loftier than ours. I am thinking about what seems good today; God is thinking about eternity. I like to have a long term plan: I will train and get my instrument flying rating at this time and place, I will begin working part-time in a mission clinic when Simeon is a certain age, God will give our family an airplane in a specific year, etc. But if God wanted me to know all this, He would let me know. So what does He want for me instead? He wants me to trust Him day by day; He wants me to celebrate the times that He has provided and kept His promises. I know that He will fulfill His will for my life to be a physician and a pilot to His glory. That's all I need to know. God promised Abraham a son; Isaac was born twenty-five years later. I pray that I will be patient to wait for God and not try to rush into second (or third or fourth) best.
While we have many stories of remembrance, the following is one that demonstrates our waiting and holding on to God's promises. My husband and I had felt God guiding us toward moving to Thailand in Fall 2013. We were waiting for university contacts to give us the green light by committing to provide paperwork for visas and sponsoring Philip's research. When this happened, we sold or packed up everything we owned and moved to Bangkok in a month. We didn't have much time to plan what we was going to happen once we got here. As God helped all the last minute details fall into place, we trusted that He would provide for us upon arrival. We arranged places to stay for the first five weeks.
Being from smallish cities in the United States, my children are used to having room. We had an average size yard in the States, meaning they had plenty of room to run around, play in the mud, plant flowers and vegetables. We had a sidewalk in front of the house for riding bicycles and scooters. I felt that I would be unable to function on a daily basis without an outdoor space for my children to play wildly and loudly. I needed to be able to say to them, "Go play outside!" instead of, "When I finish washing dishes and hanging up laundry, I will take you on a 20 minute bus ride to the nearest playground." I wanted to be able to invite other children to play in our yard and adults to relax in our home. I planned to have a place with room for visitors, not just my parents who could squeeze in anywhere if necessary. I prayed about this a lot and believed that God promised me He would provide.
Philip later told me that He believed God would find us a house during our first week here; that we would move from the five story town house, straight into our new home. I was a bit less optimistic, sure that we would have a house before our month in the guest house was complete. We did not make plans past those first five weeks, because we were so sure that God would provide. As the time neared for us to move out of the guest house, I prayed more fervently and even began to doubt. I spent hours with a Thai friend, looking online for houses and calling realtors. Philip walked around promising neighborhoods and rode around on the back of a friend's moped looking for signs. We spoke to everyone we could letting them know of what we were looking for. We found a great place, and even paid a deposit, only to have a misunderstanding due to the language barrier cause it to fall through. At the beginning of January, we moved into one room in a hotel.
Why would God allow this to happen? We had so much faith in His provision. We had prayed and believed that He would provide a house with a yard. I was discouraged and frustrated. My resolve to wait for a house was tested: lugging laundry downstairs to wash in the lobby while trying to keep four children entertained and not too wild, carefully picking my way around as to not step on children sleeping on all available floor space, threading through crowded side-walks with a trail of children behind me just to complete the first stage of a journey to a park or play area. I realized that living in our own apartment would be much better than this. I briefly started looking at townhouses and apartments, but my heart was not in it. Around this time, I found another house to look at. My friend called, and it was available! For the second time, we put a deposit on a house. A few days later, the realtor called to say that the family had decided not to move, and she would meet me to return our deposit.
I would like to say that I had staunch faith, that I never doubted for a moment, that I was so sure of God's provision that I rejoiced in this turn of events. But that's not true... I cried, I got angry, I wanted to give up. The hotel we were staying at, reneged on the special monthly rate we had negotiated. We began to look for another place to live. I contacted the guest house and found that the apartment there was available for another month. I spent this month really searching my heart. Was my desire for a house with a yard, my desire only or was it God's desire for us? I read Scripture some, but mostly just prayed. I again started looking at townhouses with small fenced parking areas instead of just detached houses with yards. I asked God to change my heart if He wanted us to live in an apartment. Maybe we were supposed to live more like locals in Bangkok. God had given me the sanity and peace to live in a hotel for a month, maybe He wanted to teach me to rely on Him more by living in an apartment. I asked Philip his thoughts, and he told me that he supported me either way. He did not feel strongly about living in a house versus an apartment. So God had given me a promise and had not related it to my husband. It was up to me to believe God's promise or doubt that I was really hearing God's voice and find an apartment to rent.
I'm not sure how long I looked at apartments and townhouses, but in my heart I knew that I was sinning. It was like Abraham taking Hagar; if we moved into an apartment or townhouse, we would be accepting less than God's best plan for us. I finally told Philip that God had not allowed me to have a change of heart and that I needed to only look at houses. He supported me in this decision. Meanwhile, our time at the guest house was running out. We packed up our suitcases again and moved into a one bedroom apartment. This was much better than a hotel. We had a tiny kitchen with a microwave and refrigerator. We had a living room to read or talk in while the kids slept in the bedroom. I did have to carrying the laundry down the street to some outdoor washing machines, but I considered that weight lifting. I was so thankful to not be living back in a hotel, and that gratitude spread to the children. The apartment even had a swimming pool!
During this time, Philip suggested that I contact the realtor of the second house, just to let them know we were still looking for a home in case they might reconsider moving. I was a little hesitant to do this, as I didn't want to be pushy. However, what did I have to lose? So I sent her a message, and then didn't hear anything. On March 16, my Thai friend sent me a message to call her when I had a chance. When I returned her call, she told me that the family of the house had indeed decided to move and wanted to rent us the house. The house would be available April 1st, the day Philip left for a two week trip to the States and a few days before our apartment contract finished. After moving six times in four months, we finally had a home!
This is just one part of our testimony of God's provision. As I write this, my children are playing in the yard. We have trees for them to climb, a driveway for them to ride bicycles, mud for them to play in, frogs for them to catch, a hose for them to wash off. How different would this story have been if we had not chosen to wait for God's timing? We could be living in an apartment with no yard or a townhouse with a small cement carport to play in. Yes, God's grace would have helped us to live in such a place; He could have used us in that setting. But He wanted to bless us, and He wanted to teach us. He wanted us to have this story to remind our children that we need to wait and hold on to His promises. Instead of forgetting, we need to celebrate our "feast days" and worship the Lord.
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