Remembering Ζωή

On the day before Thanksgiving a year ago, I found that the baby in my womb was dead. I don't know exactly how long she lived or how long it had been since her heart had stopped beating. She lived such a short time that I don't have much to remember her by. I never heard her heart beat, I never felt her move, I don't have any pictures of her alive. We never bought her any clothes, toys, or books. Hardly anyone knew about her life until after it was over.

Despite all this, her name is "Life." Her life on earth was so short and seemingly insignificant, but when our family thinks of Ζωή, we choose to think of life. As Eris said, "She is more alive than any of us." She's never experienced pain or sorrow or cold or hunger. She went straight from the comfort of her mother's womb to her Savior's arms. She is daily in the presence of Jesus. Her life is a reminder that our true home is heaven, and it is there we will truly live. All of us can live on earth knowing that we will one day meet Ζωή, and we will all be alive together, eternally. 

As I think about life today, I want to share with you about a new life growing in me. Yes, Ζωή has a younger brother or sister. There are so many emotions related to this pregnancy, but I like to think that Ζωή knows and is happy for us. You know how little kids like to "help" make things in the kitchen? Well, I imagine Ζωή asking God if she can "help" make her little sibling. God smiles and says, "OK." Then, Ζωή picks the color of the hair or eyes or a dimple.* So somewhere around the end of February or beginning of March, we will get to meet this new baby and see what God and Ζωή created.

The book the kids are looking at is called "Always Room for One More." There may not be a lot of room in that chair, but there is always room in our hearts for one more. The little pink elephant is in memory of Ζωή.

 While the world will see us as a family of eight, we think of ourselves of a family of nine. One day we will be altogether. For now, we rejoice in the lives of two we are waiting to meet - one in heaven and one on earth.

* Just in case it bothers anyone, I know that this imagining is not theologically sound, but we don't know exactly what heaven is like or how a new life is created, so I don't think it's heretical either.

Zωή: Life

 Today is the due date of our sixth child. We never sent out "expecting" notices and very few people know. After only about 8 weeks of life in my womb, Jesus took her home. About 2 weeks later, at my first appointment, the doctor couldn't find her heartbeat on the ultrasound, and a little over a week after that, on December 6 the miscarriage was completed at home. I held Zωή Star in my hand, a tiny, perfect looking baby with head, eyes, and hands. We gave her body to the sea and her soul to heaven.

God gave me her name, Zωή, meaning life in Greek. (Eris and I are studying Greek, and God gave me the name in Greek; the English version of the name is Zoe.) She is to be a reminder to me of life and not death. She is our Star; every time we look to the heavens, I am reminded that she is in heaven waiting for me.

I write this for a few reasons. It is healing for me to write. I know that many women have experienced miscarriages, and I want to share my experience to add to the voices that it is ok and good to speak out. It is normal and healthy to grieve, to miss our children. If we can feel more comfortable speaking about these children we have never met, it can bring healing and hope. 

For the past 6 months, my heart has been broken. God is working on the healing process, but it is long and hard. I am learning to trust Him and lean on Him in a new way. I'm not very good at it. In fact, I'm terrible at letting God work. I want to do something toward fixing it; I want to be strong. But He needs me to be weak, to let go, to be still and know He is God.

I feel blessed and honored to have gotten to hold Zωή. Many women never hold or even see their child. Her memory is precious to me. I trust that God has a plan for her short life - to work in mine, to work in others, to bring glory to His name.

Back to the Classics Challenge Wrap-Up

I completed the Back to the Classics Challenge - reading and writing a review for books in all 12 categories (giving me 3 entries into the drawing). The reading part wasn't difficult, but it was sometimes hard to get around to writing the review. 

1. 19th Century Classic. 

Rob Roy (1817) by Sir Walter Scott. I read many books that would fit in this category. I just picked this one, because I found time to write a review about it. I did read my original pick Ivanhoe, but I never got around to writing a review for it.

2. 20th Century Classic. 

How the Heather Looks by Joan Bodger (1965). This was another easy category to fulfill; though not as many books in it are in public domain. This was a school geography books for my 7^th grader.

3. Classic by a Female Author. 

I did end up reading my original pick, The Shuttle (1906) by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

4. Classic in Translation. 
The Way of a Pilgrim by Anonymous Russian author (1860) that I received for Christmas. This was my first read for this challenge.

5. Classic Comedy. 

 Philip did indeed read aloud Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome (1889) to me.

6. Classic Tragedy.  

Well, I never did get around to reading Wuthering Heights. Instead I read Kenilworth (1821) by Sir Walter Scott. I didn’t realize it was a tragedy until the end, but it was fortuitous that I was able to use it for this category.

7. Very Long Classic.

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (1867) Read as planned.

8. Classic Novella. 

Lady Susan (1871) by Jane Austen which is only 180 pages. I did also read Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but it was so disappointing and awful, I didn’t want to dwell on it longer by writing a review.

9. Classic From the Americas 

I ended up just read something from an US author, since One Hundred Years of Solitude was only available at the online library in audiobook, and I couldn’t any of the other books I wanted to read.  I went with Personal Rcollections of Joan of Arc (1896) by Mark Twain.

10. Classic From Africa, Asia, or Oceania (includes Australia). 

I had a hard time finding an available book for this category. I kept looking up books that weren’t available at my online library or at Gutenberg.org that I hadn’t read and actually wanted to read. Finally, I heard about A Town Like Alice (1950) by Nevil Shute which was available on the online library and partially set in Australia. I’m glad to have discovered it.

11. Classic From a Place You've Lived. 

Four Reigns (1953) by Kukrit Pramoj set in Thailand where I currently live.

12. Classic Play. 
 I ended up choosing Othello as Eris and were reading it together and almost finished. I had to finish on my own, though.

Book Review: Othello

This is my final book review for the Back to the Classics Challenge - the category of play. Eris and I didn't quite finish this before Christmas break, so I finished it on my own. I already knew the basic story line but never actually read it.

I was surprised by how wily and truly evil Iago was. The audience knows more than the characters, so it's amazing how fooled they all are about his character. He is thought to be honest and good, even his wife doesn't suspect his duplicity until near the end. It's scary how well his deception worked.

Since it's a Shakespeare tragedy, more people die than seems necessary. The language was not as beautiful to me as in some of his plays. Some of the best lines were soured in the mouth of Iago. Desdemona does have some nice lines on love near the beginning. I'm not a Shakespeare expert by any means, but I did not enjoy this play as much as some others.

Book Review: The Personal Reflections of Joan of Arc

This is the penultimate review for the Back to the Classics Reading Challenge. I read The Personal Reflections of Joan of Arc by Mark Twain ahead of Eris for school. It's not the ideal book to choose for the "Classic from the Americas" category, because even though Mark Twain is a very American author, the subject is decidedly not. However, I had some trouble finding the books I had hoped to read for this category and was reading this one anyway.

Before reading this, I already knew much of the story of Joan of Arc; I even did a report on her in grade school. I almost decided not to read this book along with Eris, since I didn't feel I needed a refresher on the Maid of Orleans. However, while looking into the book, I came across some information claiming that Mark Twain thought this was his best book and was his personal favorite. I figured that if this was so, it would be worth reading.

The story is from the point of view of a man who grow up with Joan, served with her in battle, and was present during her imprisonment, trial, and death. I didn't learn much more than I already knew about the story of Joan; the majority of her story is famous and well known by many. However, I do feel like I know Joan better.  Of course, this is merely an illusion, since the story is actually written by a man who lived far after Joan and not by someone who was her friend. It was well done, and this feeling of personal knowledge is the best part of the book.

Book Review: Kenilworth

I am working on finishing up the 2019 Back to the Classics Reading Challenge. Last night, I stayed up late to finish "Kenilworth" by Sir Walter Scott. It is a historical fiction novel set in the Elizabethan era involving court intrigue. I have been reading about his period of history with Meriel, so it was fun to read about some known characters. I did not know the full history of the main characters, so the ending was a surprise for me. (Hint: If you want it to be a surprise, don't search about Amy Robsart.)

I enjoyed the story of Sir Walter Raleigh and passing references to William Shakespeare. Certain descriptions of Elizabeth as proud and enjoying flattering were echoed in our history reader. Scott included some fun contemporary descriptions of celebrations and decorations for Queen Elizabeth at Kenilworth Castle.

This is my fifth Scott novel, and my least favorite so far. The only characters I really liked were not minor and did not feature as much as I would have liked. A happy union I had hoped for is only mentioned in passing. A joyful meeting of characters leading to a resolution does not happen quite in the way of his other tales. I'll leave it at that, so you can decide whether or not to read it for yourself.

Book Review: A Town Like Alice

I really enjoyed "A Town Like Alice" by Nevile Shute (1950). I read this to fulfill the "Classic From Africa, Asia, or Oceania (includes Australia)" category in the Back to the Classics reading challenge. The main part of the story began in Malaysia, which seemed like home since I live in the Thai-Malay Peninsula. When it moved to London or Australia, I was in a foreign land.

Books like this are how I travel, and also make me want to travel. Of course, if I went to the Outback now, it would not be like the 1940's, though it would still be huge and rugged and sparsely populated with tough people. I enjoy strong characters, and this one contained a lovely woman. She was brave, intelligent, humble, and flexible. With the help of an inheritance, she figured out what she wanted and set about achieving it. 

This was a fun and easy read. I'm not sure I would have discovered it with this challenge. It was one of the few "classic" books I had access to about this part of the world.